![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2018 Concerns
Jan. 8th, 2018 02:06 pmHi all.
Well, last year wasn't the greatest year for me, but it wasn't the worst either. So far, 2018 has been quiet, and I while I know it won't stay that way for long, it would be nice if it did, I need a break from the chaos.
Last year, I got to looking at myself and why I was/am so exhausted all of the time, I discovered that a large part of my problem was caused by my making things more complicated than they needed to be, so I simplified things and have gotten some relief. Unfortunately, I still am not where I should be, and I think I know why, but there is very little I can do about it at the moment. Long story short; when my mother passed away in 2010, that added a lot of extra to my life load, I had to take over watching after my father and start doing the things she used to do. It makes me sad to think about it, and even though I am emotionally better now concerning the loss, I still miss her a lot. If she were still here, I would have someone to talk with who understands me, my father tries but he is so frustrating to deal with. I can honestly say that I would have left this place soon after retiring, as had been my plan for years, if she were still around, I wouldn't have been tied down by the responsibilities that I have now.
That being said; I really don't know which way to go or what I need to do at the moment, I hate to admit it, but I'm lost and confused, there are going to be a lot of hard decisions that I will have to make this year, and I'm not looking forward to making them. I know that I will eventually have to move away from here in order to survive, this neighborhood is really starting to get bad, and it's only getting worse with each set of new neighbors that moves in. It would be so much easier if my father would not be so stubborn about leaving, I know it's not easy, but still he's stressing me out with his attitude, it's making an unpleasant situation worse.
I'm also worried about the cat colony that we have been feeding for so many years, the neighbors are not cat friendly, and I don't know what to do with them, I can't just leave them, that would be cruel, but I can't take most of them with me either, it's a bad situation. Maybe, I can get a local rescue to help out if I give them a donation. It's frustrating, my mother started this by feeling sorry for and feeding cats that the neighbors across the street wouldn't take care of, and now they are long gone after their house burned down in 2008, and I'm stuck with taking care of them. Don't get me wrong, I do love the cats, but it is a huge and constant burden on my time and emotions, and I'm not getting any relief.
I think I know why I like the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" so much, I can relate to it. George Bailey, was trapped in a situation that was not of his own making, he was miserable and fate kept dealing him cruel blows one right after the other, I feel the same way right now.
Well, last year wasn't the greatest year for me, but it wasn't the worst either. So far, 2018 has been quiet, and I while I know it won't stay that way for long, it would be nice if it did, I need a break from the chaos.
Last year, I got to looking at myself and why I was/am so exhausted all of the time, I discovered that a large part of my problem was caused by my making things more complicated than they needed to be, so I simplified things and have gotten some relief. Unfortunately, I still am not where I should be, and I think I know why, but there is very little I can do about it at the moment. Long story short; when my mother passed away in 2010, that added a lot of extra to my life load, I had to take over watching after my father and start doing the things she used to do. It makes me sad to think about it, and even though I am emotionally better now concerning the loss, I still miss her a lot. If she were still here, I would have someone to talk with who understands me, my father tries but he is so frustrating to deal with. I can honestly say that I would have left this place soon after retiring, as had been my plan for years, if she were still around, I wouldn't have been tied down by the responsibilities that I have now.
That being said; I really don't know which way to go or what I need to do at the moment, I hate to admit it, but I'm lost and confused, there are going to be a lot of hard decisions that I will have to make this year, and I'm not looking forward to making them. I know that I will eventually have to move away from here in order to survive, this neighborhood is really starting to get bad, and it's only getting worse with each set of new neighbors that moves in. It would be so much easier if my father would not be so stubborn about leaving, I know it's not easy, but still he's stressing me out with his attitude, it's making an unpleasant situation worse.
I'm also worried about the cat colony that we have been feeding for so many years, the neighbors are not cat friendly, and I don't know what to do with them, I can't just leave them, that would be cruel, but I can't take most of them with me either, it's a bad situation. Maybe, I can get a local rescue to help out if I give them a donation. It's frustrating, my mother started this by feeling sorry for and feeding cats that the neighbors across the street wouldn't take care of, and now they are long gone after their house burned down in 2008, and I'm stuck with taking care of them. Don't get me wrong, I do love the cats, but it is a huge and constant burden on my time and emotions, and I'm not getting any relief.
I think I know why I like the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" so much, I can relate to it. George Bailey, was trapped in a situation that was not of his own making, he was miserable and fate kept dealing him cruel blows one right after the other, I feel the same way right now.
